Friday, June 20, 2008

Unbearable Pain that I cannot Fix ..

Beloved No. 1 son rang me this morning at 10.30. He was crying. He was incoherent. He kept saying "Oh Mum, oh Mum, oh Mum ....."

And then he hung up.

This frightened me more than anything has ever frightened me before in my whole life.

I frantically dialled his number. No reply. I kept dialling until he answered.

He was still crying.

He told me one of his close friends had committed suicide last night.

There were no warning signs. His friend wasn't depressed. He had a close, loving relationship with his family. He had spent the last year studying for his Masters in Engineering. He played a soccer game with No. 1 son on Tuesday night. They won.

And now he is gone. Leaving behind such grief. For his parents. His family. His friends.

I wish I had answers. For my heartbroken boy.

But I don't.

13 comments:

Tanya Brown said...

I am so sorry.

sMC said...

no answers, but you were there for him Rise. hugs birdy

crafty said...

What terrible news. Thinking of you, and your son.

Stomper Girl said...

This is heart-breaking. Your poor boy. I am glad he called you in his grief though, even though he scared you to death. There's beauty in that.

whimsical brainpan said...

There are no words that I could say to make this better or have it make sense.

I am so sorry. I hope your son heals from this shock.

Molly said...

Oh my God, J. Oh my God. Every parent's worst nightmare. I hope that poor boy rests in peace, and I hope L comes home to you. God watch over his family and all of you.I wish I was there to hug you.....

fifi said...

oh, so very sorry.

how completely terrible.

citizen of the world said...

There are no words except "I'm sorry."

meggie said...

Oh. Worst nightmare.
I am so glad your son called you.

Thimbleanna said...

Oh Rise. As Meggie said...the very worst of nightmares. I always brings tears to my eyes to read of this -- rarely any explanations. The terror you must've had with that phone call. Hugs to your son.

Pauline said...

oh rise - how heartbreaking. I agree with Stomper - that he could call you speaks volumes about your relationship with him. There are times when we cannot fix the hurt but we can hold close the one who is hurting and surround him with whatever love we can. Sending enormous hugs to you.

Ian Lidster said...

How very sad and such a waste

heartinsanfrancisco said...

How terribly sad for everyone. And there really are no words.

Are you familiar with Edgar Lee Masters poem, "Richard Corey?" It's part of the Spoon River Anthology, about a man who glittered when he walked and one day went home and put a gun to his head.

Sometimes there simply are no reasons, and that is the most terrifying thing of all.

I'm so very sorry, Rise.