Friday, March 30, 2007

Heartache

1975

Ray. A great, big, cuddly bear of a man. A mutual friend introduces us at a ridiculously manic house party. Immediate connection ..... we like the same music, read the same books, have similar loathings for all things bureaucratic ... but we are both "attached". NOT a stumbling block. We laugh, we act the eejit, we run like maniacs .... he listens when I talk. Really listens. I'm not used to that.

1976

Ray is heartbroken. His German girlfriend doesn't want to be his girl friend anymore. I listen.

Ray gets on with his life. We meet, we talk, we solve the world's problems...... and we laugh. He warns me about men. Especially the controlling types. The stumbling block becomes REAL.

1979

I marry the stumbling block.

Exit Ray.

1986

Ray - the Success Story. High Powered Executive with Global Charitable Organisation. Career has taken over. World travel. Our lives have taken different paths. Mine is full of children. His is not. Sad. Distant.

2004

Coming out of the water on an unusually hot July day in Ballyvaughan in the north west coast of Clare, I notice 2 people sitting on the dunes watching me and the dog and the entourage....
I'm any mans fancy with the hair slathered to my head, the teeth chattering like castanets, the swimsuit of the variety that should have been binned and banned in the last century but I figure, what the hell..... Next thing I know, the bear is hugging me .... and I'm speechless and in tears and deleriously happy.

He's just passing through, he says, and thought he'd look us up. He came back to the house ... we talked, we laughed, we listened ...... we reminisced about our feckless youth ...... I felt furry inside.

2007

We buried Ray today.

My heart is breaking.

6 comments:

Tanya Brown said...

I am so sorry.

Thank you for sharing this amazing story despite - or perhaps because of - your grief.

Molly said...

Oh, little blister, I'm so sorry. I'm also assuming the SB, aka GB, does not have the keys to your blog...

meggie said...

Oh my heart broke with yours.
I had a dear friend like that, but because I live in another country, I missed his passing, & was totally shattered on learning of it.

riseoutofme said...

Thank you tanya, molly and meggie for taking the time to comment .... I appreciate that ... it makes me feel less hollow. Life goes on.

Liz said...

That is a heart breaker. Anything else I say sounds trite.

Isabelle said...

Oh dear, Rise, how sad. Thanks for your sympathy about my dad. The older one gets, the more one feels that even a normal life span is too short.