Sunday, March 22, 2009

Whats Normal Anyway?

Isn't it amazing how time flies? One minute you're gathering up the detritus of Christmas and the next thing you know its Spring.

Rather alarming.

Admittedly, after the festive season, it was a manic couple of weeks. The kind that make you wonder about life in general. What its all about. Where we are all going. But once February arrived and the dust settled, I thought " YES, life IS going to swing back to "normal" mode". My naivete shocks even me, sometimes.

February saw the brightness of 2 young men slowly putting the pieces of their lives back together. Like sad little plants in the garden that you thought were lost forever. It also saw the optimism of youth, dreaming dreams of faraway lands, planning and scheming to make their dreams a reality. And he did. Beloved No. 1 son packed a small rucksack, organised his previous life and headed off into the unknown. Armed only with a passport, some money, a sunny disposition and an unquenchable thirst for life. There is a crack in my heart but thats where the light gets in. I suppose.

Early March saw a trip to London with Daughter No. 2 to see Daughter No. 1 who is planning wedded bliss. There's a lot to be said for living "in sin". My eternal reward is looking a little dodgy for that blasphemy, I suspect. March also saw 2 weekends away from home in a strangulated effort to finish a Yoga Teacher Training course that I foolishly embarked on 2 years ago. It saw GB playing with ice-axes and crampons in the snows of Scotland and also skittering his bony frame down the slopes of some remote Austrian ski slopes. It also saw youngest son dealing with the pain of losing a friend through suicide. A difficult time for him.


The Royal Residence remains as ever. In dark moments, of which they're are few, thankfully, I wonder are they going to live FOREVER.

So, in my head, its still January and I'm fired with the enthusiasm of a new year. No matter that 3 months have passed me by. In my heart, I'm an optimist. I will make time to do the things that I want to do. Like sleeping. And reading. And blogging. Sometimes, I wish for a slow life. But then, I realise, I'm the one in the driving seat. Its easy to rationalise yourself into a corner.

In recent days, I have been skulking around various blogs, catching up on lives unknown, rarely commenting. I feel I have no right. Just when my conscience reappeared is a mystery.

I suspect guilt has something to do with it.


Pauline said...

well, your life is certainly not boring! The comment about the crack in your heart letting in light made me smile

no right to comment? whyever not? come right on over and say something. it is such a pleasure to read your posts

Thimbleanna said...

It's hard to have a slow life when one has children the ages of yours. Your comment about living in sin cracked me up -- while I'd probably tow the line if asked my opinion on the subject, I can see it's benefits. So glad you're back -- hope it stays that way!

mikaelah said...

guilt is SO over-rated!

citizen of the world said...

There is no normal. I'm convinced of it.

But you know what? You always have a "right" to leave a comment if you feel moved to. Or not, if you don't. Tha's the beauty of the blog world.

Molly said...

Here I am, eyelids propped open with toothpicks. It's 1 a.m. and way past my bedtime.....I just thought i'd have a quick peek at the blog update thingy, and read and commented, and grew sleepier...Until the next one up said "Riseoutofme!" Praise Allah and Whoever Else is up there!

After every little ripple in the pond here I think "NOW things will get back to normal," and I'll be able to organize the books, clear out unused clothes, finish those quilts that are halfway to the finish line, so I'll feel less guilty about all the new ones I want to start......And then along comes something else! So constant flux must be what really normal is!

I like your bit about who's in the driver's seat!

Now I can stagger of to bed, content. Rise is back! Don't let it be just a flash in the pan though!

Warty Mammal said...

I, too, admired the phrase about the crack in your heart letting the light in. Very poetic.

Guilt - I think you should take a pass on it. There's a whole list of things out there that would be nice to do. Commenting on blogs. Cleaning the dirt out of the silverware drawer. (Where does it come from, anyhow?) Organizing the family photos. Weeding around the clothesline.

In the meantime, there is life. Messy, beautiful, aggravating, filling up every chink of spare time you have. I think it won't remain this busy forever for you, but in the meantime it sounds pretty hectic.

Thank you for posting! I think about you now and then and wonder how you are.

Lee said...

Remember what passes for normal in this neck of the woods!

Maddy said...

I know what you mean [a bit I hope] I didn't think I'd survive when my daughter went to China for a year and then later to Mozambique for 18 months.....but she's back home now.

Similarly [sort of] we completely missed the wedding planning 'bliss' as she just whizzed up to SF and was married in a Registry office in the same now she's looking for work and the groom has no green card......but they're here so I won't moan [well not too much anyway]Best wishes

Stomper Girl said...

Sometimes real life gets in the way of blogging. But welcome back Rise. I'm very glad to hear your son has gone forth with optimism in his heart. And congratulations on your daughter's wedding-to-be. You will have to buy a frock!

persiflage said...

There is a lot of 'sin' about these days and at times I wish I had indulged in it too. And yes, let the light in.
As for commenting, I found you had commented on me, when I did my first post. I did not post again for about a year, so did not find your comment for ages. It was lovely to get it.

Isabelle said...

Ah, don't talk to me about children leaving home. My beloved son is back for the weekend but it'll just make it worse when he goes again. Not that I want him not to come. Hmm.

Glad to see you back with some lovely tulips to ask for our forgiveness...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

You of all people have no reason for guilt. Please disabuse yourself of that troublesome notion, Rise.

Your loved ones have gone through many big changes in a very short time, as have you, either first hand or vicariously. It is so hard to see your children go off on their own because the world can always strike at you through them. But the fact that they are ready to do so means that you did your job well -- you loved them and allowed them to develop independence. No parent could do more or better.

I suspect that everyone planning a wedding has shared your thoughts on the relative ease of living in sin, so the afterlife is probably dodgy for all of us.

sMC said...

oh Rise, this is going to be a long comment for which I won't apologise. Glad to hear you are normal ???
Now I had this most vivid dream last night. Suddenly you were then on my monitor and we started chatting, but then you invited me into your world (can't remember if it was a house) but I came and sat and we talked and talked and you showed me things, then I took you back into my monitor, and you visited my world and we had more talk. When I awoke it was so real. And I know it was you because you said.... birdy? and I said Rise? and we hugged.
Now can someone explain that please. hugs birdy

meggie said...

Never ever, feel guilty about blog 'neglect'. We are just friends, who are here if you need us. Or when you need us. xx

Lindi said...

If normal really means the average, I'll pass on it. The ups and downs of life are what give it colour. Without them, it's all monochromatic grey. At least, that's the way I feel.
It's good to read you again. Your observations and commentary often give me flashes of insight into my own life.