Saturday, March 22, 2008

Spring is in the air .....

For the last number of years, my life has become, increasingly, not my life. Due mainly, to the necessary caring for GB's much-loved, ageing and ailing parents. Too much to do, too little time. Too many fragile egos to be nurtured, too few resources. Eventually, too many demands on me, both physically and emotionally.

Life is short. My life, which was not my life, was fast approaching the self-destruct barrier. There was no time. For me. To be me.

So, a little while back, due to an assortment of pressures, I decided to take a short break from blogging and other, precious, pastimes. To make space. To just be.
When your back is to the wall its easy to make decisions like that.

What I hadn't bargained for was how much I would actually miss visiting other people's blogs, adding my own tuppence halfpenny's worth in their comment boxes and occasionally, formulating my own scattered thoughts into something that vaguely resembled coherent ramblings and, then, being rewarded with comments on my own posts! The simple pleasure of just being me. Connections. No agendas.

This realisation got me thinking. Why was I forever giving up things that I liked to do, just to acommodate other people? Was my life not important enough to me?

I am not going to bore you all with the details of my epiphanic cogitations - suffice to say that the "on demand" button has been exterminated. Permanently.

I hope.

I am, no longer, nursemaid on demand, driver at the ready, gardener in wellies, runner of mindless errands, cleaner of toilets, hooverer of carpets, walker of unruly canines, teamaker extraordinaire, hairdresser, psychiatrist, doormat. The key words here are "on demand". I still do all of these things, just not on demand. Which makes a huge difference in my head.

The Queen is not amused.

In fact, she's a little cross with me. Disappointed and querulous even. And, most of the time, I am strong and do not succumb to the quavering voice. But, sometimes, I do.

Ever since the demise of the button, I am singing. And humming...... and whistling.
And the feet are tapping ... and I feel like acting the eejit, tearing across the fields, kicking my heels up and maybe, even, indulging in a little bit of gadding!

Heady stuff, this Spring air.


Tanya Brown said...

I'm glad to see you back. I missed you.

Here's to spring air!

Pauline said...

Hooray for you! It's always liberating to realize you're in control, at least of how you decide to feel about things. Tell the Queen to smile, it will improve her face value ;)

Molly said...

The queen should call on her other ladies-in-waiting! The ones she actually gave birth to! They do say that people can only take advantage of you if you grant them permission to do so. Good on you for finally saying "permission denied!"

whimsical brainpan said...

Good for you!

And welcome back!

Anonymous said...

Ah, good for you!!

And glad to see apost from you. I had the same sort of surprise at how much I missed it when I took a break. And I only lasted 2 weeks!

Stomper Girl said...

Good for you. The queen will get used to it, in time. Welcome back, I missed you!

meggie said...

So glad to read this post!! Good for you! Make sure you keep singing, & do get out & run, & dance, & kick up your heels!
I was once caught dancing in a huge Mall! My Granddaughter cringed, but another woman my age said she thought I looked happy, & she wished she had the courage to dance too!

sMC said...

just one biiiiiiiiiiiiig hug Rise.

Lindi said...

Good on you, Rise!
Now go run across that field whenever you feel like it.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Oh, Rise, I've missed you.

It is incredibly difficult to crawl out of a vortex once you've been sucked into it, but not taking time and giving energy to YOUR life so quickly depletes you that you have nothing more to give.

The Queen sounds like a black hole. Shame on all of those who have allowed you to be pummeled into taking on their responsibilities as well as your own.

I would send you flowers right now if I knew your address.

riseoutofme said...

Thank you all for your comments.

Its good to be back.

Off now to kick up the heels in the mountains of a very damp Kerry for a couple of days. Needless to say the computer is not travelling so it will be next week before I get to visit you all.

Happy days to you all.

fifi said...

WOW! Good on you, girl .

I had an epiphanic moment like that a few years back, and pulled in the reins. The family has not really recovered, and I am constantly accused of being selfish, but at least I am capable of giving, rather than on the brink of shrivelling up altogether.

Don't know if that makes sense, hope so.
"To give shade, you must grow to be a leafy tree" someone once told me...